I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Masturbation gets a bad rap, and I don’t know why. What other free, simple, kinda activity you can do just about anywhere gets looked down on so much? And I’m not even talking about so many religious stances on the topic. I’m constantly running into otherwise sex positive people who treat masturbation like sex’s poor cousin.
People have their reasons… I suppose. But, like a lot of things in life, I’m not willing to let anyone with an easy first answers. Let’s tackle some of the most common objections, shall we?
Touching yourself down there is gross. I want you to think back to where you first heard this. Was it family? Church? Other kids of the schoolground? Think carefully and critically about who gave you that message and what power they were trying to hold over you. Your genitals are no more gross than any other part of your body. Like some other body parts they can get a little funky being cooped up all day; but that’s what soap, water, and a good airing out are for. And remember, only clean the bits outside your body – inside has it’s own cleaning system.
It’s not the same as sex with a partner. No. It likely isn’t. But that’s actually part of the joy of masturbation – it adds variety to your sex life! Masturbation doesn’t have to be a poor replacement for the real thing, and if that’s what you’re trying to make it I’m not surprised to hear it isn’t living up to your expectations. Consider making masturbation its own kind of pleasure: time for you to connect with yourself without having to care about anyone else.
It’s not as satisfying as with my partner. Let’s examine that a bit shall we? What do you mean by satisfying? Does it lack the emotional component? How’s your emotional connection with yourself? Believe it or not, this reflect in how we masturbate. Pleasuring yourself – really taking the time to feel your body in all it’s wonderfulness is a fantastic way to show love to yourself. And not just your genitals. Touch yourself. Appreciate the curve of your calf muscles; the length of your fingers, the line of your hips. Does it not feel as good? You can play with that too. Try out different techniques, increase your foreplay time (after all, does your partner go straight to your genitals?), use lube, consider toys too! There are options for clitoral stimulation, penis stimulation, insertables (for fronts and backs!) – and more. It is a big world of sex toys my friends; have fun exploring!
I don’t know what I’m doing. Well, how much practice do you have? If you’re newer to masturbation – or even to exploring your body, that’s no surprise. Our bodies don’t come with instruction manuals; we have to write those ourselves. Set aside some time for you to explore you without expectation. I like to dim the lights and put on some music. You might like to pour yourself a glass of wine and hope in the bathtub. Or grab your favourite erotica and lay out on your living room couch. Whatever you need to do to create a safe sexy space for yourself, do it. Then simply let your hands wander. If something feels good, follow that feeling and see where it leads. Not feeling a spark – go back a paragraph and check out that last sentence again 😉