The video below inspired me so much this morning that I feel compelled to share it. It’s a recording of an unwedding ceremony for a couple who realized their time together in that style of relationship wasn’t serving them anymore and that it was to part with their marriage.
The video below is set to start right right before Nathan asks to be released from his word, so that he can believe in his word again. If it doesn’t cue up nicely, it starts at 14:34. Trust me, you want to see this. What a powerful ask – what an empowering ask.
I think what they’ve done is brave, and fitting (and I only know half of the couple) – and so very powerful. It’s also got me thinking: how many promises do we make when we are young (physically, emotionally and mentally) or with an immature mind? And in no way do I mean immature as an insult; but simply not developed yet. Even as adults we can find ourselves in situations where our mind is child-like because we’re experiencing something new.
The child-like mind is a wondrous things; it has an amazing ability to accept and believe and hold fast. But it isn’t always a critical mind; those skills don’t come until our mind matures by learning. And sometimes as we mature and question and grow in ourselves we also find that we grow out. Out of beliefs, out of relationships, outof patterns and habits. Sometimes even out of our old selves. Nathan makes such a good point; when our old selves made promises our new selves are expected to keep, we trap ourselves into a no-win situation. Either by forcing us to keep things that no longer work for us, or making us think we can’t trust our word. It’s not that we can’t keep our word – it’s simply that that word no longer reflects where we’re at in life. And that’s okay – forever is a long time to stay the same.
How beautiful that these two are giving the end of their marriage at least as much love and respect as they started it with. That they were able to recognize what no longer served them and make new choices before they felt trapped and resentment towards their partner crept in.
How courageous of them to share this in the way they have – to publicly show that there are as many ways to have (and end) partnerships as there are people out there. I’m inspired; and I hope you are too.